Manhattan Hillbilly

Feeling Right At Home On The D-Train

As a hillbilly, I often feel out of place when I ride New York's subways.

Riders are cranking Ice-T on their headphones. If they happen to hear a snippet of my Sam & Kirk McGee bluegrass songs playing, I get strange looks.

Most wear black jeans, black T-shirts, black jackets and black boots. I wear blue jeans and a orange T-shirt with "Tennessee" emblazoned boldly across my chest. To paraphrase The Most Interesting Man in the World, "I don't always wear shoes, but when I do, I prefer tennis shoes." 

 So it was with great joy I learned that one of my Southern kin hitched a ride on the D-train the other day: The noble possum.

The New York Times, the newspaper of record, recounted this turnstile-jumping rodent's ride, foolishly spelling it's name as "opossum," which I learned is how their stylebook requires it be spelled, er, spelt. Apparently it scurried aboard the train, which runs from Coney Island for an hour all the way into the Bronx, somewhere shortly after it left the first station.

Seeking warmth (who isn't in New York these days) it cozied up to the heaters placed under the seats and took a nap. Several policemen were dispatched during the train's run to shoo it out the door, to no avail. It wasn't until after the train had completed its northward run and was in the Bronx railyard that the possum split.

My guess is, it was worried the train would take it even further north.

 

Enter The Rate-A-Rat Contest!

Last night I came out to walk the beagles and startled a rat scuttering through our garbage cans out front. He shot across the street with amazing speed -- a bullet would move more slowly. I haven't seen any rats in the subways in the past week or so, but they sure are hanging out on my block.

But should I see one down underground, rest assured I'll be snapping a picture. Why? Because I want to win the "Rate A Rat" Contest the MTA subway workers are currently putting on. They've set up a website for entries, complete with some rather disgusting rats that you can rate yourself as to their level of disgustingness (I don't think that's a word). 

There's a motive to the website. The transit union has seen the MTA cut the number of sanitation workers, and they rightfully are pointing out it's led to an increase in rats.

That said, they clearly need my help. At least one of the photos on the site is actually of a possum. I can understand why Yankees don't know what a possum is, but even they shouldn't be confusing it with a rat.

Because unlike a rat, possums is good eatin'.

 

Rats!

One of the most sobering things I've had to come to grips with in New York is the regular experience of watching rats scurrying around the subway tracks and platforms while I await my train.

The first time you see it, it's startling and somewhat creepy. But like many other things New York, you quickly become numbed to the inherent creepiness of it, and it becomes just another distraction as you await your D-train home.

  A Board of Health study last year basically concluded that man doesn't stand a chance against rats, and eradicating them in this city of 8 millions is an impossibility. In the subway, they actually live in the walls rather than on the tracks, so whenever trains come they simply scurry into the walls and avoid being crushed, electrocuted or possibly poisoned by the countless bait packets that are fruitlessly dropped by the MTA in their stations.

Still, it's creepy every time you see one. And of late, there's been a couple of videos making the viral route of rats actually getting into the trains and climbing on people, although I've never seen it and there's questions as to whether the videos were staged or not.

 

 

The general consensus is that the rats proliferate because of garbage in the subways, both trash dropped by passengers and the rooms where workers store up collected trash prior to it being brought above ground for removal. At times, rats have been used as an excuse to try and create laws banning food and drink on the subways (you're allowed to carry it in closed containers, but I've watched people practically have a 3-course breakfast while they sit on the train in the mornings).

As for the entertainment value, I'm not the only one who enjoys the show. It's a nice distraction to watch them scurry around, and then watch as one-by-one others waiting on the platform become aware, nudging friends to point out the show. They're entertaining -- but don't expect me to bring one home as a pet.